The Great Plotnik

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

My Name Is Doug

My name is Doug and it is my birthday today. It is a crooked number.

I am taking stock today but not too much stock.

The forecast is sunny and bright with the inevitability of disaster.

My name is Doug and it is my birthday today. There's a 5 on the end but it could be worse. It could be a 0.

I am the guy in the Hawaiian shirt who looks like the Russian mobster on vacation. Hair does not appear to be my problem.

And that fine looking woman let me marry her. You never know.

I am a modern man; however I am addicted to certain reasonable superstitions.

If I sit in the back of an airplane I will survive a crash.

If I spill salt I can defeat the Evil Eye by throwing some of that salt over my shoulder and spitting.

If I cross my ankles and stare at the TV without blinking, the Dodgers will win the pennant. It doesn't work every year. In fact it never works.

But I keep believing anyway. And I also believe if I'm a good boy I will live forever and when forever comes it will look pretty much like San Francisco this glorious morning.

My name is Doug and it is my birthday today. Life is good. I'm also superstitious about that.

I recognize the irony of the above picture, taken in Runyon Canyon in LA, after I waxed poetic about how beautiful San Francisco is.

I cannot BELIEVE how old I am. But my brother is older. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Get this: I am still younger than the median between my father's age and my mother's. I can't believe I think about stuff like that. But I do.

I also cannot believe that God can't bat better than .275 with two hundred strikeouts.

The things I love best are mostly the same things I have always loved, though some I came to later.

I love being married.

I love having kids to cook for and worry about.

I sound like my own grandmother.

I love listening to a fabulous song (but it's better to have written it).

I love listening to horn players. How do they do that? And drummers. How do they do that? And bass players. How do they do that?

I love digging holes in dirt. Planting things in the holes. Watching the plants grow up. Picking the flowers and the fruit. I love the gentleness of the whole process.

My name is Doug and it is my birthday today. I have a few faults, though compared to Hitler or Nebuchadnezzar these don't really amount to all that much, do they?

Sports on TV. I watch too much, but I love my teams. I hate your teams.

Little hairs. They grow in the stupidest places and the older you get the more there are.

That's about all I can think of right now.

My name is Doug and it's my birthday today. Here is what I believe:

I believe that there is a commissioner of the galaxy and his name is Bud and he lives on Budstock and there’s an Umpire in charge of the Earth and the Umpire welcomes babies and when the babies are welcomed they sing and when they sing Bud hears them.

I believe I am one of those babies.

And so are you.


At 11:34 AM, Blogger mary ann said...

Happy, happy! This is a beautiful post. See you later. I can never believe how old I am either, it just does NOT seem possible.

At 11:38 AM, Anonymous HankyGirl said...

Happy birthday, Doug!
I enjoyed your summing up of all (those many, many) years of wisdom about yourself.
Best wishes for lots more happy years,
(whose age does end in a 0, but who thinks that's like resetting the odometer, so yippee!)

At 11:46 AM, Blogger DAK said...

Yes, Hanky, resetting the odometer. The only problem is when somebody buys the car. But I'm using this from now on.

At 1:49 PM, Anonymous HankyGirl said...

Consider it a birthday gift!

At 8:10 PM, Anonymous John The King said...

Your name is Doug, and you wrote a great Christmas song that you still get royalties off of even it's for $4.73 from some publishing company in Czechoslovakia/Latvia/Moldovia.

Some people write songs their whole life and never see a dime, or a rupee, or a kopeck...

We love you, man...

At 11:35 PM, Blogger rachelle @ said...

Beautiful post! I'm so glad you shared it; you've given me lots to think about. Happy birthday, friend :)

At 5:51 AM, Blogger Karen said...

Is this the first time you've told your real name in this space?

At 9:12 AM, Blogger notthatlucas said...

Very nice and fun post. May the Earth Umpire give you a special wink for your singing and special style.


Post a Comment

<< Home