Plotnik Needs New, Younger Hexes

He's GERMAN, for God's sake!

Sure, it's a first-world problem, as The Great BZWZ likes to remind Plotnik, but it hurts to see his Shmlakers being soundly beaten in a series they were expected to win easily. Some predicted a sweep -- and they may get it, except the wrong guys are on the business end of the broom. And it's Dirk Nowitzki's fault.

Plot has no hexes left -- and not a damned one of them, not wearing the Laker net hat for the fourth quarter, not playing the same tune on the guitar for THREE quarters, not keeping the remote control in the corner of the coffee table and never budging it, refusing to press the MUTE during commercials -- none of these hexes, so reliable in the past, can cover Dirk Nowitzki.

Dirk Nowitzki. How can a great basketball player be named Dirk Nowitzki? He doesn't even have a tattoo. (Though that may be a bag of pot in his hands. Who has the Sheriff's telephone number?)