VJL-GS or VJL-PS

On a beautiful, sunny Monday in Saint Plotniko, The Great Plotnik gets to do what he has looked forward to doing for years: return all his Comcast stuff to the Comcast office, cancel his service and tell them all to have a really nice day. The one and only good thing about going into the Comcast office is when you get back outside it's like getting discharged from the hospital.

AT&T is hardly Mother Teresa, and their "customer service professionals" are forced to read the most hideous corpo-speak. We switched just to dump Comcast, halellujah!, but supposedly we will pay less for more stuff.

This morning's 'Help Line Professional' at Hewlett Packard (new internet provider: you have to reconfigure the wireless printer) was the most sarcastic and nastiest tech support guy ever. But he was WAY better than "thank you so much for your kind patience, uh, because the world's best service is our most important, uh..." that you get from AT&T. This dude actually said: "If you don't have the USB cable that came with your printer when you installed it,  I can't help you. I don't know what you people actually expect us to do sometimes."

Really. And it's only Monday morning. But since Plotnik was so surprised to hear someone say what they were actually thinking, he laughed. And the guy eventually started warming up, did a few things, made a few suggestions, and got the printer working. So Plotnik's message for him is:

"Thank you for taking my call, dipsh*t. Your dipsh*tiness made me laugh, AND you fixed my problem. So I'm giving you a 10. But I'm still never buying another HP product. How long were you in that gulag?"

Sounds like Plotnik is already peeved with Comcast, Hewlett Packard and AT&T this morning. Now he has to call Avid and that will be the worst of all. Avid, who makes the music software Plotnik uses, makes you hold forever. And their hold music is always VJL-GS:  Vaguely Jazz-Like Guitar Stylings.

You get VJL-GS at the dentist too, or sometimes VJL-PS, and Plot has to go there Thursday. This means he has to floss 200 times tomorrow and Wednesday.

By the way, why do they have to ask you: "for account verification can you please state your address?" and when you give it to them they say "can you also please give me the last four numbers of your social" and when you answer that they say "will you please answer the following security question: "what month and year did your first dog die?" Isn't one question enough? I mean, who in the world but me would call up Comcast to discuss my bill?

Plotnik should get rough mixes of the weekend's recording sessions this afternoon and that's something exciting to look forward to.