Shoes, Pants and a Suit

Plotnik has been slapped with a few disheartening dreams lately. Sometimes he's back in Stiletto City, sometimes he's in Saint Plotniko, sometimes he's somewhere undetermined. But wherever he is, he is always searching for The Great Ducknik. He can't seem to find her, and when he finally does locate her, there is just something...undefinably wrong.

The day before yesterday, he woke up with one of these dreams fresh in his mind. He was unsettled. He walked out onto the deck as the sun was coming up, and he resolved that perhaps he had been unattentive to Ducknik...perhaps he had been concentrating too much on other things (re: Laker playoff games). The dreams were telling him to wake up to what was important.

So, when Plot and Duck opened the Morning Bird Wrap, and there were full page ads in every section for a one-day-only SALE! SALE! SALE at Macy's, and one of the items on sale was men's suits, and Ducknik had been after Plotnik for years to replace his barely-serviceable weddings-funerals-barmitzvahs-pin striped navy blue number that he had grabbed off Nordstrom's Rack ten years ago when he weighed considerably more than he does now, and Ducknik saw the ads, and suggested once again that Plotnik ought to go buy himself a new suit at the one-day only SALE! SALE! SALE!, all he said was: "Honey, if you'll go with me, I'll be glad to look for a new suit."

But here's the best part. Plot has NEVER, let us repeat, NEVER understood how it can take so long for women to buy an article of clothing, or why it is imperative to see EVERY item in the store after you already found something you like just fine. Ducknik, and The Great Domin-Nik, and The Great Dance-Nik, and Blonde Bombshell, and probably The Great Mush-nik though he can't really remember if she's in on it too, and several other of his female friends, have told Plottie to just shut his pie hole and realize their way of shopping is the best, in fact, the only way.

So Plot and Duck took Muni down to Powell, walked past a bum loudly puking out his guts on Ellis Street, I mean WHAAA CHAAAA WHAAA CHAAAAAAA WHAAA CHAAAAAA at maximum volume for the human voice box, so loudly in fact that the other bums were raising their grizzled heads from their blankets and scratching their stubble in a vaguely outraged post-Thunderbird dismay; and then the Plotniks got to the Macy's Men's Store and a woman smiled and shouted "Happy Father's Day, Sir!" as they took the escalator to the fourth floor.

Plot grabbed the FIRST dark suit he saw in his size and he said to Duck: "How about this?" Luckily, there was a sales girl there, and she said "It will look very fine on you, Sir." Duck was a bit nonplussed, but had to agree. Plot tried on the suit. He walked back outside the fitting room with his new suit on, pant legs dragging on the carpet, the sales girl sent over the tailor, the alteration marks were made, and Plotnik paid and they were DONE! DONE! ONE suit! ONE try-on! ONE purchase!

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HOOOOOOOO HARRRRRRRTYHARRRRR WHO-HOO-HOO HAAAAAAA OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD HARRRR!" said Plotnik (The Fool).

He should have kept his trap shut because now they had MORE time to shop for SHOES and PANTS, Christ. But he remembered his dream. He agreed on a pair of Eccos, and then the salesman said "if you apply for a Macy's card you get 20% off on everything you've purchased, including the suit, plus we can give you an extra $10 too, so why don't you buy the OTHER pair of shoes?



So he bought the Merrells too. OK, but still. Suit-wise: ONE try-on and ONE purchase. It CAN be done. Praise Macy's. As for the shoes and the pants, chalk it up to the dream, and thanks for the divine message.