Vegetarian Road Kill

The Great Plotnik wonders what vegetarians do for road kill? What do they sling across their bumpers after colliding with it on the Interstate? Do they have to wait until they run over a four-legged Wild Tofu? Could anyone have the courage to pull into a country gas station with a giant carrot tied across his luggage rack?

Vegetarians in America can have a tough time when they leave the big city, or even when they don't.

Recently, The Great Plotnik took his mother, Mummy Plotnik, and others from the extended Plotnik Clan, out to dinner in the large Western agent-infested town in which they all live. The restaurant was Uzbekistani. Yes, Uzbek food. None of the assembled Plotniks was an Uzbek, but one, The Great Five Head, is a vegetarian.

The Great Five Head is known as The Great Five Head because when she was small her cousins told her her forehead was too big to be merely a Four Head.

On the menu was a delicious collection of Vegetarian Appetizers, all with yogurt. At one point, while eating the vegetarian appetizers, The Great Five Head pulled a suspicious looking, chewy piece of unidentified material from her yogurt. She looked concerned. So, The Great Plotnik asked the Uzbek waiter if he was positive the appetizer was indeed vegetarian.

"Oh, yes," said the waiter.

"It's vegetarian for sure?" asked the Great Plotnik.

"Oh, yes," said the waiter.

"No meat?" asked The Great Five Head.

"No meat," said the waiter. "Only lamb."

There was a silence at the table.

"But," said Mummy Plotnik, "lamb is not a vegetable."

"Oh, no, Mum," laughed the waiter. "Lamb very cute, he go bahh bahh bahh."

"I know what lamb is," glowered Mummy Plotnik.

"Are there any other meats in the vegetarian appetizers?" asked The Great Plotnik.

"Oh, no," said the waiter. "In our country, is only lamb."