It's Saint Ducky's Day

The Great Plotnik picked out these flowers yesterday afternoon on 24th Street and brought them home to The Great Plotnik World Headquarters and Tropical Nursery. Their purpose is to ask, no, beg, The Great Ducknik to be The Great Plotnik's Valentine. Plotnik is not usually a flowers-and-candy kind of guy, but Valentine's Day is more than symbolic. None of us wait by the mailbox any more, but we all love to be remembered.

Apparently, lots of guys in Saint Plotniko feel the same way. Florists are jammed the day before Valentine's Day with big, beefy guys saying things like: "I like those. What are those?"

"Those are flowers."

"Ah."



It's the same with chocolate. There is a line out the door at Joseph Schmidt's in The Castro. Inside, guys vie for the biggest chocolate hearts filled with the tastiest truffles. Though Valentine's Day is supposedly a multi-platform holiday, meaning each sweetheart buys a gift for his or her partner, in reality it's men who do the buying, especially in Saint Plotniko, or at least in the flower and candy shops patronized by The Great Plotnik.

It's only fair. 363 days out of each year, women do all the shopping. Valentine's Day and Mother's Day belong to the guys.

Plotnik is a lucky man -- he has four women in his immediate Sphere of Valentine. Thank goodness for The Great Ducknik, and for Mummy Plotnik, The Great BeezieWeezie and The Great FiveHead. This man would have little purpose to his life without you, my dear ladies.

Incidentally, BZWZ has been texting from her town in Northern Ethiopia. The text received Monday said: "I just went to a local wedding. Please pray for my intestines." She is scheduled back in The Shmapple this coming Monday.



In case you're wondering, the red ones are gingers, the pointy ones are birds-of-Paradise and the yellow ones are Kangaroo paw.