The Great Plotnik

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Zito and Oatmeal

Plot's seats at the Braindead game the other night were good if you wanted to watch Barry Zito warming up before the game, or the other Braindead pitchers in the bullpen. They were crappy if you cared about actually seeing what was going on in the ballgame. Eleven rows up from the field is great until something actually happens, at which point everybody between you and the action stands up or holds up some stupid sign and completely blocks your view. The tickets were marked at $38 and Plotnik paid $40 for each of them -- but unless your idea is to supply baseball tickets to your clients who think they're watching cricket, these seats are not worth owning.

Plottie bought them on Craig's List -- it was Davey Blue's birthday present, and seeing as Plot and Blue began writing their musical at a Plotzers-Phoolies playoff game a few weeks before BZWZ was born, it seemed like a great idea.

And it was -- the trolley down to and back from the game was filled with baseball fans, all anxious to talk to the two guys with Plotzer caps on (unlike the Candlestick days when Plot would have had that cap safely tucked away in his back pocket to keep from having beer poured on his head), and that was a lot of fun. The Cha Cha Bowl is not what it used to be, now that they prepare them 'way ahead of time and you just pick 'em up and head to your seats, and for an important game there were lots of aisles with no people in them.

Two fools to Plot and Blue's right were waving home-made signs which read "KUIP" and "KRUK," obviously some kind of signal to Braindead announcers Duane Kuiper and Mike Krukow. So the idea these idiots had was to convince the announcers to have a camera trained on them at some point. They would be on TV! Whoopee!

Meanwhile, they constantly blocked the vision of everyone to their left, until the orange-and-black-festooned guys in front of Plotnik told the other guys to cool it or else. There was a little arguing and Plotnik got in on it, but since he was wearing his Plotzer cap he knew he wasn't helping. But the signs came down and stayed down the rest of the game.

A Braindead crowd is not as lively as a Plotzer crowd -- you don't seem to have people from every walk of life sitting next to each other in the stadium. You don't see heavily tattooed gang guys holding their little boys on their laps next to a producer of tv commercials spooning with his poopsie from the health food store. You don't have that Latino Pride thing going on, even though the Braindeads team looks to be heavily Dominican and Venezuelan.

The seats next to Plotnik were empty until the 5th Inning, when the owner showed up, stayed 'til the 7th and then left. When Plotnik asked him why he was leaving he said "I live across the street. I just felt like taking a break," which was why he came to a perfect mind-numbingly boring baseball game and only stayed two innings.

Might not have been so boring if we could have seen anything. The good guys won. But the bad guys won last night. These two teams are as much fun to watch as oatmeal.


At 12:13 PM, Blogger notthatlucas said...

Sign people can be so annoying. Worse than those that sit behind home plate with their cell phone and wave at whoever they just called to say "Look at me!"

Oatmeal is boring only if you let it be. I can't imagine that you ever have boring oatmeal.

At 7:24 AM, Blogger mary ann said...

Can we retire the term Braindead?
So last decade...good game last night!

At 1:18 PM, Blogger notthatlucas said...

Replace "Braindead?" A new term would have to involve the word "torture" which is so apt for this team (as coined by Kuip). I heard the term braindead used for something non-Giants yesterday and immediately felt violated.


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