Deep Fried Twinkies

There are companies that take oil, mix it with sludge, color it yellow, and convince people to spread it on bread. People do. Almost anything can be classified as food. Someone, somewhere, is hungry enough to eat teeth. Salamanders. Tofurkey.

Grannie Plotnik had a favorite saying: "For Every Pot There's a Cover." She meant that any Plotnik cousin, no matter how many brainloops were missing, could always find someone to marry. The Great Plotnik saw something today at an amusement park that proves Grannie Plotnik may also have been talking about food: there is nothing even remotely edible, no matter how unappetiizing it looks, that somebody won't pay two dollars to eat, if it's covered with powdered sugar.

To Prove it: Deep Fried Twinkies.

The Great Plotnik watched in amazement as a counter boy in a Slayer T-Shirt opened package after package of Hostess Twinkies, tossed the unearthly yellow rectangles into a vat of hot fat until they puffed up to three times their size and turned deep brown. He then removed them from the grease with a slotted spoon, dusted them with powdered sugar and stuck them under an infrared lamp to keep them warm. The infrared lamp kept cooking the Deep Fried Twinkies until they took on the sheen of a freshly oiled linoleum floor.

The Deep Fried Twinkies were eyed by prospective customers, at first warily, but sooner or later they all bought one, or two, or even four. As they took their first bite, each person uttered the same, exact two words: "YO! HOT!"