Summer Job

The Great Plotnik has an offer for someone who needs a summer job. His friend, Big Blogs, is about to drive to the airport to pick up her in-laws. She would prefer to hire a young man, with a cheery personality and a hearing disability, to stand at the airport carrying a sign with MR AND MRS TITZMACHER written on it. He should be wearing a chauffeur's outfit and be able to drive very slowly in the right lane.

When Big Blogs's in-laws spot their name on his sign, they will approach him. He should take them immediately to his car, put their bags in his trunk, and then drive them to Yosemite, Hearst Castle, Universal Studios, Tijuana, and the Vancouver Oyster Shucking Championships. They will whine constantly that he is driving too fast. This is where the hearing disability comes in.

Then, right before their plane is to leave, he should return them to the airport and see them safely into the security line. For this service, Big Blogs, a successful novelist, is willing to pay $5,000 per day, plus expenses and a handsome benefits package.

As far as the hearing disability goes, it actually might be better to be deaf as a post. A suit of armor is optional, but probably a really good idea.