"I Love You." "Yeah, Great."

Conversation on cell phone from passenger sitting in the window seat:

"OK, honey. I'll call from the airport when I get in. I love you."

(Silence)

"Yes, OK. I love you."

(Silence)

"I...Bye."

Plotnik sits in his aisle seat, wondering as always about that uncomfortable custom people have of saying "I love you" before they hang up the phone. Their desire, of course, is for the person on the other end of the phone to say "I love you too" before they terminate the conversation.

But what's the point of saying "I Love You" to someone at the end of an everyday mundane phone call? There are too many things that can go wrong. If the listener does not respond with "I love you too" but instead says, say, "Great!" or "OK, have fun," or even "Me too," the caller will think "Uh oh."

"Why didn't he (she) say I love you too?"

"What's going on while I'm not there?"

"Was he (she) embarrassed to say it?"

"Was there somebody else standing there?"

"Does he (she) think I'm an idiot? Am I an idiot?"

"Are we breaking up?"

"Oh, God, we're breaking up."

"What do I do now?"

Well no, you are not an idiot, in the Great Plotnik's humble opinion, and you are probably not breaking up, but you have succeeded in cheapening one of the few things in our lives that still has actual value. If "I love you" has to be as automatic as "OK, I'll call you from the airport," then what is he (she) going to say to you when you are in an emotional jam and need to hear it again with feeling?

Plotnik says: Unless you want "I love you" to translate as "See ya later Alligator" don't say it on the phone. Wait until you're together and it means something. Try "'Bye, baby. Call you later."
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Mummy P. has wireless now. And HD. But no HD TV. That (perhaps) comes tomorrow.