The Great Plotnik

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Yum-o-Rolls and Extra Runs

Imagine that this tray of empanadas has two or three in it that you need and six or seven that you don't need. Right now.

Plotnik was writing to his Giant fan friends this morning. One of them, The Great NotThat, had admitted that he, like Plotnik, hates to see his team win a game 12-0, like the Plotzers did last night. That's because you always figure a five run lead is enough -- and the extra seven runs could be used so much better the next night, or spread out over the next few games.

Just like the Lakers last night -- what a game! -- but they didn't need ten or fifteen of those extra points. They will really need them tomorrow night in Game Seven Duck's Delight, otherwise known as the Last Game of the Basketball Season.

Plotnik started thinking about it. Mummy P. told him to eat his peas when he was a young boy, because poor children in China were starving, right? Well, he did that and now the Chinese have grown big and strong and are outproducing us. If we'd let the little buggers starve to death none of this would have happened and you could still buy a home on the beach in Malibu for $65,000.

Or let's say you have your yearly physical coming up, let's just say. Let's also say that you come home from visiting your kids on the East Coast and you've been porking it on big time -- lobster, pasta, desserts, meal after meal. You look like Homer Simpson and you know you've only got ten days until Dr. I Dunno Wadda YOU Think takes one look at you and puts you on Lard-o-cillin.

So you go on a crash diet. You only eat food that swims and food that clucks and not much of it either. Maybe a little brown rice. The weight comes off.

Then, the day before your physical, let's say, dear JJ-aka-PP's boy friend happens to be in town and he comes over for breakfast and stops first at Destination Bakery to bring with him a box of, let's say, croissants and yum-o-rolls.

You say to yourself: I haven't had anything good to eat since Deer Isle, Maine. I would like, at least, one of those yum-o-rolls.

Tomorrow, that is. Tomorrow, right after I get home from Dr. I Dunno and his Blood Drawing Evil Minions of Disaster.

But you can't wait 'til tomorrow. In fact, if you wait five more minutes the other fat fingers of pleasure at your table will have eagerly smacked down those yum-o-rolls.

Let's just say.

You COULD package them up and send them to the Chinese so THEY could get flabby and stop producing all that pink and bright yellow plastic your countrymen flock to buy at Walmart.

You COULD just say No.


So you eat one. OK, two.

Now, children, what do pastries have to do with extra runs that you don't need? The point is that if you don't eat them you will have denied yourself a delicious pleasure. If the Plotzers or Lakers don't score those extra runs or baskets, nobody else will get to use them either.

The Rationalization App is ON.

Plotnik HATES blood tests.


At 7:17 PM, Blogger Karen said...

Seriously, you think that cleaning up your act once a year is going to fool your blood? Hah. I know where you're going with this and you can't blame the results on a couple of rolls the day before your tests.

At 7:39 PM, Blogger mary ann said...

very amusing, Plottie...


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